Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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