he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
