the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
