I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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