A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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