paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
