I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
