I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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