Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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