Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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