everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
