11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
