so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Boobs are out for the taking
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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