when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
