i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
