At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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