You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
