K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
