Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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