help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
