omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
