Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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