Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
