Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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