dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
