it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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