bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
