I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
