DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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