oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
