Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
