Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
