I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
