OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
