he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
