im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
