Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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