new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
