I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
