If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found your dick twin last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
