I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
