I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
