i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
