Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
