I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
