you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
