come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
