you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
