It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
