I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
