I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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