So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
