all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
