no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
