dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
