saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
