We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
